Gotta get it to come full circle. It will all be ok…thats what I keep tellin myself.
Yenno at first I though wtf do i do? Oooooh i guide people, what am i really doin for these people. obligation or not im here wanting to make change, wanting to serve and guide and educate, and create awareness amongst my people. Fuck sure I may care too much about what other people think, but its only because I want to make sure im doing my job, am i serving them right? if not then please let me know, I always feel like i gotta do somethin to prove myself and step up because others are doing more than me, i just dont know where to step in. i dont want to step on anyone’s toes and i’m only doing what i think im supposed to do based off what i’ve seen, been told mixed with how i feel bout what i do n should be doin…then there are those times where i feel like fuckin mom…idk
AND NOW….
WTF though dude I am so tired of hearing people’s big headed bull shit. This aint bout you fool, this bout the people, the people you work with, the people you work for, and the fuckin greater community. its bigger than you fool so you better get over your shit and step it up. It’s sad cuz you’re my friend, and from a friend to a friend you’ve changed somehow, and I dont know if its something i did, or something you did all i know is your mind isn’t there anymore…this is bigger than you and me, and some dialogue exchange needs to happen to straighten this shit out bc it’s tearin people apart.
i feel like im slippin, losing control over the balance of things i juggle in my life. my focus is everywhere. if im focused on one thing im probably fuckin worrying about the others in the back of my mind and vice versa.
get your shit straight bea, gotta get back on track…cmon take it one at a time & remember to breathe.
It just so happens that we were talking about Pinayism in 363 and as for PACE, it is Pinayism week. In class today we were assigned to write a pantoum, about whatever issues or topics were brought up today in class, and so in the spirit of PINAYISM, this is what I came up with…
For the Brown & the Beautiful
A woman, A BROWN woman/ Dehumanized and Objectified/ Strong and Independent/ Society says that cannot be
Dehumanized and Objectified/ Brown and Beautiful is she/ society says that cannot be/ “Ooh she hella fine” eyes pan up and down
Brown and Beautiful is she/ A human being like you and me/ “Oooh she hella fine” eyes pan up and down/ Not a trophy for you to see
A human being like you and me/ No she ain’t bouta take your shit/ Not a trophy for you to see/ In the face of struggle she will stand
No she ain’t bouta take your shit/ Strong and Independent/ In the face of struggle she will stand/ A woman, a BROWN woman
On a personal level…this is what my mind in connection to my heart looks like.
Scribbles & Chaos, that I know I have put it on myself, yet I have no idea how to undo it. Having what I wanted but feeling like there is still something missing that I yearn for, a feeling whether it was from my past or something I have yet to discover to continue forward with this search & pursuit of happiness…
“ Love isn’t about the romantic nights or gifts. It isn’t about fireworks going off around you when you have that first, real, kiss. Love isn’t about kissing in the rain and dancing beneath the stars. It isn’t about the big moments or the big surprises. Love is not a fairytale. Love is about still having the butterflies after years. It’s about the second looks and laying in bed wide awake, all night, because you can’t go to sleep mad at each other. It’s about being willing to sacrifice, literally, everything for someone, just because you care so deeply for them. It’s not about buying them gifts, but it’s about leaving them little presents here and there, just to remind them that you are constantly thinking about them. Love is about all of the little things, that add up to really big things. Love is rare and special, but should not be treated as if it will break. Love needs to be thrown around and beat up a little bit, worn in, but not worn down. Love needs to be a comfortable feeling, a place to go when NO ONE else in the world can relate. A safe place, where you know that no matter how ugly you look or how angry you are, you will still be… loved. ”
[unknown]
*On a very personal note: This will always remind me of him.
Definitley learned a lot of these things…and continue to remind myself of them so that i do not make the same mistakes, and to embrace & appreciate what is in front of me right here and right now. totally feeling this post.
I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back. I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it. I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts. I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do. I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people, It’s what they do about it. I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides. I’ve learned that you should always have loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you’ll see them. I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t.
I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done When it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don’t know how to show it. I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel. I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief. I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions. I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I’ve learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves go farther in life. I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you. I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I’ve learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains. I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon. I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe. I’ve learned to love and be loved. I’ve learned…
![PATIS [Pilipin@s Acknowledging Tomorrow’s Important Stories] of AAS 363
PRESENTS:
“THE RICE OF THE IHOTEL”
COME AND SUPPORT! PLEASE & THANK YOU!](http://15.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ku0o0yurRQ1qzaq1vo1_400.jpg)
![I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YA PRAXI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
praxsmiles:
simpleties:
grayskymorning:
ifonlyicouldtellyouhowifeel:
(via carouselofpearl)
i CAN NOT WAIT to see this movie! i am so excited for Wild Things, really, you have no idea. =]](http://1.media.tumblr.com/hmwcfF11Ipw5r0z3pHRRghxko1_400.jpg)
moments, thoughts, & memories captured. My life, my story told by me. Taking control before someone swoops...