Reflections...

Hello again tumblr, it has been a long time. Moved back to the east bay and i’m finding that i have so much time to be with myself, and maybe too much time. im realizing more and more that besides my family and some friends i have moved on from this little town of mine and yearn to be elsewhere, out and about, exploring and being around characters and personalities those different from typical suburban soccer mom type folks. This transition back has been so difficult for me lately and at times it feels lonely. Although in the past year I have learned so much more about myself, maybe things I have already known but never asked to come face to face with. TRUST has been the big one in this past year, trust in myself, in others, the relationships with these folks, and in the world, to know that i am in good hands and things will work out the way they’re suppose to. Taking part of the day to have a talk with a good friend and professor, something she said really stuck with me and i’m slowly learning and trying to apply this to my every day thoughts and decisions: don’t ask yourself why you can’t…[ex. why you feel you can’t get ur shit together, etc] but ask yourself how can you…how can you take the steps to be a better person, to the person you want to be and accept the person you are, how can you accomplish your goals and overcome your fears and insecurities, but this nothing without action, although im learning this part does take time, internalizing this how part to flip my situation and mood into something more positive and pushes me forward toward some kind of growth/transformation, takes time but will come.

anyways as for other things some friendships have been rocky lately, i somehow always of this knack for saying or doing things at the wrong time, i’ll work on it… and my relationship is learning and growing [although with its share of rough patches, i have found home and happiness in this one and have realized that I would be stupid to let a good thing slip away because of the insecurities I have with myself, especially if the person is pushing you and helping you to be better, you must learn to push and help yourself as well or you will get consumed by the stories and thoughts of your fears that you put in your head and in the end you will only find that you are the reason for why they came true not the other person…so safe to say that i am doing part and will continue to do my part because this a different kind of love. yes love is work, and this probably is the only one i have ever really put an effort into but they have always believed in me, and i in them and when you believe its not just for a min or just for now, but its for always. alright i’m corny but wth im happy] anyway, as for family, i love them so much, but this being back home thing can be quite suffocating.

alrightie…there’s my sort of little vent to you all, maybe you learned something or didn’t, it’s cool. maybe ill update again in a few months lol.